The Void
The day started as usual with my work. The pain of the day dwelled in my senses. Need to complete the day’s chores within the time.
But some time was left for a tea break and I began to crunch a piece of biscuit and had hot tea with my friend.
There was something void in my mind since then. A vacuum in my heart for want of some care and love.
It was during those times that I used to pen with my thoughts.
There was a short cat that distracted my mind when I stopped to think and realized my folly.
The thought took me to great heights of lengthy descriptions about my people who surrounded me. They were alike me in all aspects whether they were rich or poor. They were of my educational background and status and equal to my talents involving my work. But something that differentiated them from me. I stopped to think about it when I began to observe them. I was secluding me from others since I hold an independent thought. I don’t used to mingle with them like they do. They used to sit together at tea time and during breaks and chit chat or share their lives together most of the times whether they are male or female. But I was a seclutionist when I compared myself with others. I never used to mingle freely with them as they do. It was just a folly that I realized that right from my childhood Iam not a group holder or group member. It was slowly I grew up that I realized who I was.Was I a doubt to myself. Was I a sole player, was I a dreamer. As years gone by, my role for my life increased. I realized that I was apart from being a loner was also a capicitous player. I used to play with others in my mind. Then as I grew up, leaving some childhood syndromes I became a strong and sensible person. Why is that at certain times human mind is unable to fit into all the atmospheres. Is it relevant for man to fit into all places wherever he visits. Is it required for man to show his role in each and every aspect in his life. Is it required for man to love each and every human soul whether right or wrong. My mind began to realize this. I sat and dissolved all the desires in my mind. There was a void created in my mind once again. I then realized my role and began to go behind the group. I had to complete my work for the day.
The whole day ended with my mind speeding with the work and soon it was dark when all my strength dropped out and I strolled through the door with steps slower than a mouse.
I was really feeling shy of me in a larger group. Might be that was my honour to be so. I was then pushing a rope longer than my other men and engulfed enough strength to push the rope. It was my same mentality day by day when I did my work.
It all started to shower in the sky when I began to catch my bus. I was at home exactly at 10.00 pm and I .took my food and climbed my chairs to sleep on my bed. I dusted my bed and took a small gap and entered my balcony when I watched the whole world sleeping sound and the lamps switched off in all homes except at the streets. Suddenly my void came to me as I expected. Why have I started to reveal things from my mind. Was I wrong or were I right. Until it was 11.00pm my mind was completely absorbed in fuzzy thoughts, the days work, the people there, the food and my bus. Everywhere there was silence. When I filled the void of my mind with a sigh and returned back to my bed until 6.00am.When I completed my day’s chores by 7.00 am, all the children in the roads were busy tracking their boots to school and all the autos loaded with small school children and with their huge bags. I usually dropped to see the children since they were also so. As I was as a child, completely harnessed by parents and given all care till the very end of my age.
It was the same day even at work with busy people roaming with heavy duties and finding little time to share with others.
I waited for the void to come exactly at the tea break when everyone were off to snack rooms. I was viewing the window through my eyes and what reflected behind the window. Was the world beyond the glass walls .The way the world goes, the people moving in the roads, the men and women who followed their vehicles on the roads, the cats which chased big mouses and the vandis which filled the streets and the horon sound of the cars and lorries.
Suddenly my friend came near me and gave a push at my back to silently follow the group when I realized it was late and began to humble my way with the group .It was a team meeting that day that lasted for 1 hour and there were huge slogans against the management . Even I voted for some slogans and condemned them for others when i noticed me and I was a lone fighter. There came a void in me when everyone clapped for the chair person. The void in me inferior I felt as I was not in the group. The emptiness in me when I was not noticed or was not asked of anything about the meeting.
It was the same day when at work with busy people roaming with heavy duties and finding little time to share with others.
I was along with all my team members the whole of the day but I felt lone for what? Were I a monk of my own world or why am I not feeling all right along with the world each day. Where would I go beyond this small mind and the rather small occupation of my work .I rather will not be able to exceed even one inch increase of money in my purse at the end of my career. I would not be able to exceed or rather a rat race of my own collegue in my office. Why iam I like this as a mouse caught in a hole. I was somehow managing my life like others do. But I was in my own world all the day with my work and my group. They never quarelled about my incapacity or rather the lowest decree I can give to my work. They never fighted with me regarding my absense in their group talks or rather I was hiding my void within me all the day long and all my life until now except for the time I give up to my papers and to my pen.
That night I had a quarell with my house owner who never reduced my current bill. He was sharing my meter with the other portion guy and never did partiality to me when he
increased my bill each and every month. I was not a humble monk when it comes to the matter of these things. There was a complete loss of power that night until 3.00am in morning when I heard the sound of the fan in the ceiling.
I was waiting for my void when the courier boy entered the hall with laden letters. He had his stuff to others and voided his way out to the steps. The void of my mind encroached with fuming thoughts about life. Till then I slowed down my work and drank a glass of water. I stopped my work and went out for a walk for 5 minutes to the other cabin to meet my friend.
My mind was filled with accounts and other calculations when my friend interrupted me from me going void. He asked me to pull a chair near him and chased all others near him and was talking seriously to me regarding the job. He said that he had completed work and was ready to retire for the day and asked me to accompany him that evening. I completed the days chore and followed my friend in his path to catch an auto to a small coffee shop where real void was waiting for me.
We sat in a corner table with two comfortable chairs. We chose a rather lonely place and had two mugs of coffee each with two samosas. My friend started the conversation with a big remark of my group and it’s members. He began to raise numerous questions to me regarding my feelings for my group. He included in each and every sentence a word about my boss. Why does my boss never requests me for any work regarding the team and why does he gives partiality only for his own friends. He also indicated regarding my future if one’s future goes through hard obstacles of self fights, it never resumed to fame or victory in one’s own career. He asked me to be more bold in my work and the authority I need to keep up with my collegues. He was valuing my education and my values more than what I could think of me. He rather said if things go out of reach, you can go ahead and resign the job for what my future holds and what my education could deliver to me. It was during those times that I had a deep relief in me to having realized my right potential and the moral support in my mind.
We had a short climb out of the hotel and took a bus to reach the office bus stop where the bus was waiting for me to catch to my home. I neared my home with full of thoughts about what my friend had said to me about my job and my career. No void that day but a little haste for me regarding the silent and lonely night.
The next day it was Friday, the last day of the week and I rather hurriedly reached my office and reached my cabin with a list of files ready to be delivered to my boss. My boss was seated in his A/C cabin with the computer running busily, as I neared him he stopped at me and winked at me to be seated. I never realized what my boss was thinking about me as he always never ever open heartedly spoke to me about anything. Today it was a change since he neared me and kept a file near my table and asked me read the account information. I read out aloud all the account stuff in the file and it was almost half an hour past twelve when he kept an envelope near my table. The envelope contained a letter with printed matter and I was rather shocked at such an encounter. He asked me to read out the matter and the vague mind of mine became clear as I read that I was promoted to one position higher as the first person in my whole team. I was chosen anonymously by my team for my senior position. I could not control my grief of my mind of previous day. I really thanked my boss and entered my cabin with a smile bigger than the envelope. My team waited out and greeted me of the sincerity in my work and I was garlanded too.
It was all over in a couple of hours and everybody else were also stranded out to their work and I was holding more responsibility then to be moved to my near A/C cabin.
There was no way I could hide myself from this reality. What my infant mind said to me always about me what my collegues had a word about me and my void disappeared in a fraction of second mingling my mind with this reality and I ceased to be unhappy thereafter.
But some time was left for a tea break and I began to crunch a piece of biscuit and had hot tea with my friend.
There was something void in my mind since then. A vacuum in my heart for want of some care and love.
It was during those times that I used to pen with my thoughts.
There was a short cat that distracted my mind when I stopped to think and realized my folly.
The thought took me to great heights of lengthy descriptions about my people who surrounded me. They were alike me in all aspects whether they were rich or poor. They were of my educational background and status and equal to my talents involving my work. But something that differentiated them from me. I stopped to think about it when I began to observe them. I was secluding me from others since I hold an independent thought. I don’t used to mingle with them like they do. They used to sit together at tea time and during breaks and chit chat or share their lives together most of the times whether they are male or female. But I was a seclutionist when I compared myself with others. I never used to mingle freely with them as they do. It was just a folly that I realized that right from my childhood Iam not a group holder or group member. It was slowly I grew up that I realized who I was.Was I a doubt to myself. Was I a sole player, was I a dreamer. As years gone by, my role for my life increased. I realized that I was apart from being a loner was also a capicitous player. I used to play with others in my mind. Then as I grew up, leaving some childhood syndromes I became a strong and sensible person. Why is that at certain times human mind is unable to fit into all the atmospheres. Is it relevant for man to fit into all places wherever he visits. Is it required for man to show his role in each and every aspect in his life. Is it required for man to love each and every human soul whether right or wrong. My mind began to realize this. I sat and dissolved all the desires in my mind. There was a void created in my mind once again. I then realized my role and began to go behind the group. I had to complete my work for the day.
The whole day ended with my mind speeding with the work and soon it was dark when all my strength dropped out and I strolled through the door with steps slower than a mouse.
I was really feeling shy of me in a larger group. Might be that was my honour to be so. I was then pushing a rope longer than my other men and engulfed enough strength to push the rope. It was my same mentality day by day when I did my work.
It all started to shower in the sky when I began to catch my bus. I was at home exactly at 10.00 pm and I .took my food and climbed my chairs to sleep on my bed. I dusted my bed and took a small gap and entered my balcony when I watched the whole world sleeping sound and the lamps switched off in all homes except at the streets. Suddenly my void came to me as I expected. Why have I started to reveal things from my mind. Was I wrong or were I right. Until it was 11.00pm my mind was completely absorbed in fuzzy thoughts, the days work, the people there, the food and my bus. Everywhere there was silence. When I filled the void of my mind with a sigh and returned back to my bed until 6.00am.When I completed my day’s chores by 7.00 am, all the children in the roads were busy tracking their boots to school and all the autos loaded with small school children and with their huge bags. I usually dropped to see the children since they were also so. As I was as a child, completely harnessed by parents and given all care till the very end of my age.
It was the same day even at work with busy people roaming with heavy duties and finding little time to share with others.
I waited for the void to come exactly at the tea break when everyone were off to snack rooms. I was viewing the window through my eyes and what reflected behind the window. Was the world beyond the glass walls .The way the world goes, the people moving in the roads, the men and women who followed their vehicles on the roads, the cats which chased big mouses and the vandis which filled the streets and the horon sound of the cars and lorries.
Suddenly my friend came near me and gave a push at my back to silently follow the group when I realized it was late and began to humble my way with the group .It was a team meeting that day that lasted for 1 hour and there were huge slogans against the management . Even I voted for some slogans and condemned them for others when i noticed me and I was a lone fighter. There came a void in me when everyone clapped for the chair person. The void in me inferior I felt as I was not in the group. The emptiness in me when I was not noticed or was not asked of anything about the meeting.
It was the same day when at work with busy people roaming with heavy duties and finding little time to share with others.
I was along with all my team members the whole of the day but I felt lone for what? Were I a monk of my own world or why am I not feeling all right along with the world each day. Where would I go beyond this small mind and the rather small occupation of my work .I rather will not be able to exceed even one inch increase of money in my purse at the end of my career. I would not be able to exceed or rather a rat race of my own collegue in my office. Why iam I like this as a mouse caught in a hole. I was somehow managing my life like others do. But I was in my own world all the day with my work and my group. They never quarelled about my incapacity or rather the lowest decree I can give to my work. They never fighted with me regarding my absense in their group talks or rather I was hiding my void within me all the day long and all my life until now except for the time I give up to my papers and to my pen.
That night I had a quarell with my house owner who never reduced my current bill. He was sharing my meter with the other portion guy and never did partiality to me when he
increased my bill each and every month. I was not a humble monk when it comes to the matter of these things. There was a complete loss of power that night until 3.00am in morning when I heard the sound of the fan in the ceiling.
I was waiting for my void when the courier boy entered the hall with laden letters. He had his stuff to others and voided his way out to the steps. The void of my mind encroached with fuming thoughts about life. Till then I slowed down my work and drank a glass of water. I stopped my work and went out for a walk for 5 minutes to the other cabin to meet my friend.
My mind was filled with accounts and other calculations when my friend interrupted me from me going void. He asked me to pull a chair near him and chased all others near him and was talking seriously to me regarding the job. He said that he had completed work and was ready to retire for the day and asked me to accompany him that evening. I completed the days chore and followed my friend in his path to catch an auto to a small coffee shop where real void was waiting for me.
We sat in a corner table with two comfortable chairs. We chose a rather lonely place and had two mugs of coffee each with two samosas. My friend started the conversation with a big remark of my group and it’s members. He began to raise numerous questions to me regarding my feelings for my group. He included in each and every sentence a word about my boss. Why does my boss never requests me for any work regarding the team and why does he gives partiality only for his own friends. He also indicated regarding my future if one’s future goes through hard obstacles of self fights, it never resumed to fame or victory in one’s own career. He asked me to be more bold in my work and the authority I need to keep up with my collegues. He was valuing my education and my values more than what I could think of me. He rather said if things go out of reach, you can go ahead and resign the job for what my future holds and what my education could deliver to me. It was during those times that I had a deep relief in me to having realized my right potential and the moral support in my mind.
We had a short climb out of the hotel and took a bus to reach the office bus stop where the bus was waiting for me to catch to my home. I neared my home with full of thoughts about what my friend had said to me about my job and my career. No void that day but a little haste for me regarding the silent and lonely night.
The next day it was Friday, the last day of the week and I rather hurriedly reached my office and reached my cabin with a list of files ready to be delivered to my boss. My boss was seated in his A/C cabin with the computer running busily, as I neared him he stopped at me and winked at me to be seated. I never realized what my boss was thinking about me as he always never ever open heartedly spoke to me about anything. Today it was a change since he neared me and kept a file near my table and asked me read the account information. I read out aloud all the account stuff in the file and it was almost half an hour past twelve when he kept an envelope near my table. The envelope contained a letter with printed matter and I was rather shocked at such an encounter. He asked me to read out the matter and the vague mind of mine became clear as I read that I was promoted to one position higher as the first person in my whole team. I was chosen anonymously by my team for my senior position. I could not control my grief of my mind of previous day. I really thanked my boss and entered my cabin with a smile bigger than the envelope. My team waited out and greeted me of the sincerity in my work and I was garlanded too.
It was all over in a couple of hours and everybody else were also stranded out to their work and I was holding more responsibility then to be moved to my near A/C cabin.
There was no way I could hide myself from this reality. What my infant mind said to me always about me what my collegues had a word about me and my void disappeared in a fraction of second mingling my mind with this reality and I ceased to be unhappy thereafter.
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